8 Reasons Most Guys Actually Hate Strip Clubs

When Esquire asked more than 1,000 men, "How much do you or would you enjoy going to a strip club?", 68 percent said "a little" or "not even a little." Only 7 percent answered "immensely."

I used to be a prude weirdo who was afraid to say how much I hated strip clubs. Now knowing two-thirds of dudes have my back, I'm a prude weirdo who's proud to say I hate them. Here are eight reasons:

I'd rather have front-row seats to Wicked.

1. They're creepy.

I'm not saying everyone there is a creep, but I imagine strip clubs have more creeps per capita than most places, and I don't want to be associated with them. It's like when you find out someone you hate loves a song you love, it's hard to keep loving that song. So, thank you, people I hate, for ruining Rick's Cabaret and "Don't Stop Believing."

2. They're degrading.

You get this. Let's move on.

3. They're expensive.

There's always the friend who's like, "Dude, I cannot believe I spent $600 last night." Well, I can, considering I literally saw six hundred individual dollar bills leave your hand.

Meanwhile, I was standing in the back doing something worse than paying the strippers: not paying the strippers. I'm pretty stingy with my entertainment buck, unless I'm spending $13.50 to see Frozen…again.

4. They're uncomfortably intimate.

The time my friend bought me a lap dance was when I first actively decided, Oh, I guess I don't want a stranger's butt in my face. As she danced with her bare backside dangerously close to my mouth and nose, I wondered which one of us was supposed to be enjoying this.

5. They're physically disgusting.

I know there are different tiers of quality and health-code standards at these places, but I imagine it's hard to scrub years of general sleaze off faux-suede seat cushions. Some even offer a buffet, which, depending on who you are, is either the best or the grossest thing ever. Let's just hope someone is making it rain—Purell.