Lessons You Learn From Bad, Past Relationship

My friends and I spend a decent hunk of time grateful we dodged the bullets dressed as our exes. From the narcissist who took more time posting selfies on Instagram than with his girlfriend to the compulsive liar who would fib about everything from his friends to his finances, we've all had a doozy of a dude that made us offer up a joyous "hallelujah" when our heartbreak was over and the healing had begun.

But there's perhaps an even more important part of the healing process that's easy to overlook when you're so focused on what an idiot your ex was, and that's to be grateful for him. Because no matter the circumstances of the relationship or his flaws, chances are, you learned something from him that will make your next relationship—and your life in general—even better. So look back on your past courtships with me and see if you can be grateful for any of the things below.

Thanks to him, you no longer put yourself through the headache (and heartbreak) of trying to change people. Chances are you dated a guy whose habits left a little to be desired. Maybe he drank too much, flirted too often—and rather than throwing in the towel, you spent hours, weeks, and quite possibly years trying to convince him his behaviors were wrong. Maybe you even tried to change your own heart to accept things you deep down believe are wrong. __Be grateful to that man for proving that you have to like and love someone for who they are today, not who they might be tomorrow. __

Being with him—and then not being with him—taught you how strong you really are. Perhaps there were things you endured during the relationship, such as bitter bickering or constant worrying, that showed you exactly what you can withstand in any given moment. But, more important, when you made the decision to leave (despite loving him) so that you would no longer have to face those things, you showed yourself just how courageous, smart, and strong you can be. Be grateful to him for testing your strength so you could flex your muscles.

Because of him, you learned that love isn't always enough. Many of us have been head-over-heels for a man, a good man, who simply wasn't the right man for us. We stayed in the relationship, unhappy, because the love we felt was all-consuming. But love doesn't sustain people the way that so many other basic essentials—air, water, food—do. We need more—shared values, common moral ground, similar goals, open communication, trust and reliability—to enjoy a successful relationship. Be grateful to the ex that made you want to look for more than just love.