Thoughts You Have During a Half-Marathon, Running a Race

__Mile 4:__Shoot, I have to pee. Too bad there's not a Porta-Potty in sight. Men are pulling over and just letting it flow. Jealous.

Mile 5: I'm alive. I'm surviving. A lot of people are starting to pass me…where's that gel pack? Time to power up.

__Mile 6:__Almost halfway through! Love the cheering crowd. I'm feeling motivated again! I can totally do this.

__Mile 7:__So. Thirsty. If I ever do this again, I'm going to need to Google how to drink water and run simultaneously. I don't want to lose my momentum and stop running, but I'm literally just pouring water over my chest. Ugh, OK, I'll just jog in place for five seconds to properly sip at the next water station.

__Mile 8:__Is that a hill? I cannot do this right now. This is the last time I let my super-athletic best friend's Instagram inspire me to do anything. I think I'm unfollowing her after this actually.

__Mile 9:__I clearly ran from Brooklyn straight to Brazil without knowing it because this sun is Equator-hot. I guess these people running half-naked knew better than I did. Next time, I'll be sure to dress for at least 10 degrees warmer to make up for how hot my body will feel once I get going.

__Mile 10:__Someone's grandmother just passed me…and there goes a guy with a knee brace! Why can't my legs move?

__Mile 11:__My iPhone just died. I'm freaking out! This is clearly why people get iPods. I can't wait to finish. OK, what would Beyoncé do? Let me just sing Flawless in my head.

__Mile 12:__I'm crying. I'm seriously in tears. Why didn't anyone tell me it would be this hard? Why do people do this? Why did *I *decide to do this?

__Mile 13:__Whose idea was it to add .1 to a race that is already 13 miles? I just need to make it a little further...

__Crossing the finish line:__I've never been so happy in my life! I had planned to go for a Tyra Banks-esque smize for my photos, but I'm going for a full-on flash of my pearly whites because I am just that elated. OK, pull it together for one second: Arms up! Fist pump! Smile! And...scene. Got the shot. Now I can't wait to take this nap! Please just let me get home without passing out. OMG. I did it.

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