Tinder: Guys Don't Message Girls, Matches

2. The flirting is "on spec."

Men are ready to meet women right away, but most women need some back-and-forth. I can't blame them. Somewhere between 10 percent and 95 percent of all men are creepy and should be avoided. This means that the Tinder chitchat is an audition, of sorts, to see if men have wit. We're doing it on speculation, hoping that we'll pass the audition and meet in person. No one likes auditions.

3. It feels like a waste of time.

Once we start messaging, there are three possible scenarios: (1) We could meet and go out. (2) We fail that audition. (3) The woman never really wanted to go out in the first place but sort of messes around on Tinder for fun. (This last category is the female equivalent of what I'm doing—we should date.) Because No. 2 and No. 3 are a very real possibility, this introduces an element of risk: The whole enterprise could be a waste of time. Ironically, both genders are motivated by the same factor—not wasting time—but we do it in reverse. To overgeneralize, women think: Why waste my time meeting in person if I'm not into his personality? (Then Tinder-messaging is used to help screen for personality.) And men think: *Why waste my time Tinder-messaging if I'm not going to meet her in person? *4. We lie.

So why do I swipe at all? Because I lie to myself. Subconsciously, every time I Swipe Right, I tell myself that soon, eventually, when I get around to it, of course I'll message this woman and see where it goes. But then I get lazy and forget. (It's easier to buy a pass to the gym than it is to go to the gym.) My intentions are solid. My follow-through is shit.

5. We have "Swipe Goggles."

Key clarification: This is not to say that I'm not attracted to most of my Matches. I am. But have you ever seen a guy use Tinder, I mean really use Tinder, when he lets his guard down/is drunk/just broke up with someone? Like! Like! Like! Like! Like! No looking at photo #2. No reading the short bio. Like! Like! Like! Like! Mistakes are made.

6. We fear mutual friends.

This is one by-product of Swipe Goggles. Because we're blasting through the queue, sometimes we'll Swipe Right before we realize, oh, wait, she's friends with our ex. Or friends with our roommate. Or friends with our boss. Or whatever. Women tend to be comforted by mutual friends (He's not a serial killer!), and men get scared away (I might lose my job!) This is why I find Hinge especially terrifying.

7. We choose one marshmallow now, not two marshmallows later.

In the early 1970s, in one of the most famous experiments in psychology, researchers rounded up a group of children and put them in a room. They gave the kids a choice:

They could eat one marshmallow immediately, or two marshmallows if they waited 15 minutes. Some of the kids couldn't wait; they swallowed it right away. Some patiently waited and they were rewarded with two marshmallows. It's a test of our capacity for delayed gratification.